Rejected Fight Club Rules

One Fight Club, eight rules.

Truth is, the first two are the ones that matter, the ones that capture best who we are, what we do:
1^st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.
2^nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.

These rules were not simple to come by, though, they had to be thought of, put to the test. Here is an extract of fight club rules that didn’t make the cut:

• Hurt your opponent’s body, not feelings, we’re not animals.
• You do not tweet about Fight Club.
• Anyone parking like an asshole must fight a member of the biker gang.
• No shirts, no shoes, and none of those super tight shorts either, this is not a Village People cover band rehearsal.
• Although currently a sausage fest, the Fight Club is open to women.
• Any fights between ladies (also known as cat fights) must comply with the following rules: no nails, no hair extension pulling, and no trash talking about Jennifer “taking on some weight over the holidays”, she cried for weeks.
• If can’t stand the sight of blood, what the hell are you doing here?
• No crocs, wigs, or mullets, not for fighting reasons, just have some respect for yourself.
• Don’t repeat yourself. Also, do not talk about Fight Club.
• If this is your first night as an undercover cop, you have to fight! And then maybe another time, and then maybe two or three times after that. And then the crowbar challenge.
• If you think you can be victorious thanks to your favourite karate YouTube channel, please make your way to the fighting area.
• This club is for strong men, but nothing shows more strength than showing your artistic side, hence Tuesday night karaoke.
• No need for us to fight in dirty basements, any suggestions welcome.
• Although technically acceptable, fighting yourself is pretty weird.
• Anyone betting on a fight will be expelled from the club. Out the backdoor. In a trash container. One with wheels on it. Down the street. The one that leads to that abandoned mine. That mine with bears in it. Yes that one. Don’t bet on fights.♦

Currently Surrounded by Rabbits

ME: Buddy, you need to help a brother out, I am currently surrounded by rabbits.
FRIEND: hmm, ok, WHY are you surrounded by rabbits?
ME: It’s a long story, but to cut it short, I am now the king of a medium-sized rabbit empire…

It all started out when a friend found these two rabbits (Were they stolen? Maybe), realised he couldn’t really handle them (how oddly self-conscious of him. Did it finally dawn on him that any man that cannot pay rent on time cannot handle more than a stuffed animal?) and thus decided to give them to me. “Ok”, I said, I like fluffy animals and I could use the company. Not for a second did I think that someone giving away something they couldn’t handle could cause me trouble. I am just way too naive… When you think about it, why take-on a pet I knew nothing about? I basically know two things about rabbits: first they hop around everywhere, and second their waste looks like nesquik breakfast cereals. And yet, as an animal-lover, I happily took on those two cute little white rabbits.